Source:google.com.pk
About their Love Lifes
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" "Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
Accused of Theft
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
Adultery
There were three guys that died and went to heaven.
The first went up and then God said, "You have committed adultery so you shall own a bike."
The second guy comes up and God says, "You have almost committed adultery so you shall own a motorcycle."
The third guy goes up and then God says, "You have only thought about adultery so you shall get a Porsche!"
The first guy comes up to the man in the Porsche and starts Laughing and the man in the
Porsche asks, "Why are you laughing? You only got a bike!"
The guy on the bike says, "I just saw your wife on a skateboard!"
Aids or Alzheimer
A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me that
my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
Alligator Show
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I will remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.".
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
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