Funny jokes in Hidni For Facebook Status for Facebook For friends for Girls in English

Friday, 24 January 2014

Small Funny Jokes In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Small Funny Jokes

Source:-Google.com.pk

Creative Writing
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements:
- religion
- royalty
- sex
- mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
"My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
Daddy's Trick
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear," she asked.
The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again."
Damn Jar
A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office for a sperm count test. The doctor gave the man a jar, told him to take it home and return the next day with a sample.
The next day, the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave the doctor the jar, which was as clean and empty as on previous day. The doctor asked what happened.
"Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then with my left... still nothing. Then, I asked my wife for help. She tried her right hand... but nothing. Then her left... still nothing. She even tried with her month, both with and without her teeth... and still nothing.
We even called the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the damn jar open!"
Darla's Doctors Visit
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man!
Have you, Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

Small Funny Jokes In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Jokes For Kids In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Jokes For Kids
Source:-Google.com.pk
An employee went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, “For best results, put on two coats”.
While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”
One day, a stranger asked a little girl to climb up and down a tree. After the little girl climbed up and down the stranger gave her some candies.
The girl went home, she told her mother about the stranger. Her mother spoke angrily to her and told her that the stranger just wanted to see her underwear under the dress.
The second day, it happened the same thing and the stranger gave her 100$.
Again she told her mother. Her mother yelled loudly at her for again climbing the tree. The little girl said, “Don’t worry mom. I tricked him. I didn’t wear underwear this time.”
The mother fainted.
The Bishop's Confession
A story is told of a delegate of priests headed by a bishop. In the aircraft in which they were travelling were other diverse people.
Suddenly there was a problem: one of the aircraft's engine stopped working. Every body was gripped with fear. No body wants to die. After a while another announcement was that the second engine has stopped working too, that all should prepare for anything.
Instantly, there was a long queue of people confessing their sins. The priests and the bishop also confessed to each other. Third announcement was that all is well again: the engines are working now. The bishop quickly and quietly went to the priest whom he heared his confession and said to him:
"I did not mean all that i told you, i was only joking"
God Is Missing
There were two little boys, 8 and 10 years old, very mischievous and naughty. They were always get into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their city, their sons were probably involved.
They boy's mother heard that a clergyman in city had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning and 10-year-old in the afternoon to see the clergyman .
The clergyman, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"
Bishop Desmond Tutu
Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa is very fond of this joke: When the missionaries came to Africa, we had the land and they had the Bible. Then they said, "Let us pray ...," and asked us to close our eyes. By the time the prayer was over, they now had the land and we had the Bible. And he usually ends the joke by adding, "And I think we got the better deal."

Jokes For Kids In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Funniest Jokes In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Funniest Jokes
Source:-Google.com.pk
I Have Fallen
A newly posted parish pastor discovered that all who come to confess their sin is guilty of "I Have Fallen" He waited to understand what the clause could mean to the people. But all efforts on the contrary did not help matters. He then concluded that the bad road in vicinity might be the reason may people fall. As a result he went to the Mayor to complain about the roads in the Council:
"Sir, your roads are bad. My parishioners are always hurt. They keep confessing ‘ I have Fallen’"
The Mayor who knew what " I Have Fallen" meant for the people burst into laughter. The priest was embarrassed and said:
"Even your wife is a victim of the bad road and you are laughing"
The man got mad because he understood that his wife had cheated him.
"I Have Fallen" the people use to refer to sin of adultery/fornication.
A guy needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order for it to go, he would say “Thank God” and for it to stop he would have to say “Amen”.
So the guy went, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. A few hours later, he woke up and was going off the edge of a cliff. So he shouted “Amen!” and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.
“Whew,” he said. “Thank God.”
A young couple took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitations, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small pen*s.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed. “For me?”
“Just take two,” the mother replied. “The rest are for your father.”
“I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.”
A blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair changed so she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, “Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”
The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. “If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

Funniest Jokes In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Jokes In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Jokes

Source:-Google.com.pk

A university professor, after very many years of study came home. On arrival he met a village boy at the river bank. The little boy ferry people across the sea for money. No sooner had professor boarded the boy's canoe than the following interogation began:

Prof: "Did you read philosophy?"

The Boy:"No"

Prof: "You are useless in the world"

Prof: "What about psychlogy?"

The Boy: "No"

Prof: "You are a waste"

Prof: "Did you read phamacology?

The Boy: "No"

Prof: "You are good for nothing"

After a while there was excessive wave and the canoe was shaking to capsize.

The boy quicky abandoned the prof to fate. The helpless prof was in great fear, yelling at the litte bot for help.The Boy asked him " Prof, have studied Swimmology?" Now you are the one finished.

Labels: ACADEMICS

DOG

Ned and the Dog

Ned goes over to see his neighbour who has a very ferocious-looking dog. As Ned approaches the door the dog begins to bark wildly and his neighbour says to him, "Come on in, Ned! Don't be afraid of my dog. You know the old proverb: A barking dog never bites." "Yes," replied Ned, "I know the proverb, and you know the proverb, but does your dog know it?" Before we have an agreement on when a dog can bite and when it cannot, we must first make sure the dog is party to the agreement.

RELIGIOUS JOKES

The Woman And The He-Goat

A preacher notices a woman in the congregation who begins to weep as soon as he begins to preach. Thinking he has made a big catch he preaches with even greater fervour. The more he preaches, the more the woman cries.

Finally, the preaching over, it is time to give testimonies. The preacher points to the woman and says, “Sister, I can see you were mightily moved as we proclaimed the word of God. Now can you please share with us what it was that convicted your spirit so much.”

The woman hesitates, but the pastor insists so she comes up and takes the microphone. “You see,” she begins, “Last year I lost my he-goat, the most precious thing I possessed. I prayed and cried much over it and then I forgot all about it. But as soon as you came out to preach and I saw your beard, it reminded me all over again of the he-goat. I still cry whenever I remember it.” She did not remember one word of what the preacher said.

Jokes In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Short Jokes In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA

Short Jokes
Source:-Google.com.pk
Miss (on call): You say Ronny has fever and can’t come to school today?
I am speaking to?
Reply: Well, This is my father.. Lol
It is so ridiculous when people say you've changed. It's like, yeah I also used to be a fetus, but now look at me.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand …
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, press 3.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Leave bad enough alone!
Don’t worry. I forgot your name, too!
Give him a penny for him thoughts, you’ll get change.
He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.
How did the woman feel after she got ran over? Tired!
I could say something brilliant at any moment!
What do you call a zipper on a banana?
A fruit fly.
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
I'm smiling. This should scare you.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels!
How did the police scare the bugs away?
They called for the S.W.A.T. team.
Why do chicken coups have two doors? Cuz if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
Why don't elephants ride bikes? Because they don't have a thumb to ring the bell!
Females always try to impress males by wearing hot dresses. But we are Impressed Only when They remove them.
Did you ever blow bubbles as a kid? Because he's back in town and he wants your number.
I'm not sure what's wrong... But it's probably your fault!
I love mankind–It’s people I can’t stand.
I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
Your future depends on your dreams – So go to sleep.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
If you’re living on the edge, make sure you’re wearing a seat belt.
That awkward moment when you catch someone's eye exactly when they're picking their nose.
Girls eyebrows these days be looking like they got sponsored by sports Nike!
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
i do not understand why people take me so seriously i never even know what I am saying.
I Hate being fat but I love eating food.

Short Jokes In Hidni For Facebook Status For Facebook For Friends For Girls In English In Urdu For Teenagers For KidsA